WASP, not WSOP

Standard in the Midnight Madness seemed very poor tonight, 1700 runners, top 261 paid, just waited for hands. 1st double up came with AQ, one limper calls my raise and flop bet, then all in on the J turn which made the board read Q74J. He had J8 and thankfully missed. Would not have been chuffed with that runner runner. Neither would i have been surprised tbh.

Then the biggest wasp i have ever seen flew into my room. Honestly, i've seen smaller dogs. This instantly put me on tilt.

It just hung around the light in my room which is just above my bed where i was playing and every now and then went mad and flew all over the place. 5am for fuck's sake, what creature in their right mind is up at that time?...

At one point it was hovering around the computer so i just had to wait for it to go. I couldn't kill it (it was more than a match for me), so just had to let a hand time out until the light grabbed it's attention again. I was horrified to see the hand i had missed: utg had shoved and utg+1 had reshoved and i had timed out KK utg+2... AJ vs A9. Luckily the board by the river was A9xxx and i would have lost it all. But still, EV wise, this wasp business was all very minus.

I soldiered on, got a nice double up with AJ on an AKK flop vs A8. Against any other player on the table i would have played it a bit more cautiously but this lad would have called all in with deuces so i rereraised all in before the turn scared him. 6k at the break, average about 4.5k.

The sun started to come up during the break of the tourn so i turned the bedroom light off and opened the window in the hope the wasp would leave the room. But no, another badly thought out plan as the light from my laptop was significantly brighter than that of a grey Birmingham dawn. So, ever the prat, i spent the whole of the break cautiously edging the laptop towards the window.

He was far too wiley to fall for that old trick though and admirably stood his ground. So, as the end of break loomed, i was forced to concede. I switched the light back on and just had to accept the fact that this massive animal with a suspected itchy sting finger would be hovering inches above my head for the next hour. [You know you're a fully-blown multi-tabling degenerate when you're prepared to risk literal wasp death in order to stay in the game.]

Folded to me on the button with 6k, blinds 100/200, i raise to 600 with 88 and sb pushes for 3.3k. Why me? I call and lose the race. Is that a fold?? One round later i shove for 2.6k after some weak looking limps and sadly get one caller. His deuces hold up as i lose another 6k race and exit the tourn in 470th place.

I threw a pen at the wall which came straight back at full pelt and hit the lampshade. Just my luck. Worryingly this disturbed the wasp who zig-zagged randomly around the room briefly before, thankfully, finding the open window.

Finally, a result i can bee happy with.